When I was a child, two friends I love deeply told me I was acting immature when I wanted us to play and create together, like we'd always done up until then. They surprised me by saying, "We're too old to do that." It was in this moment I unknowingly stopped acting so silly and I started to get serious.
It's all I've ever known... the feeling that our individual and collective purpose on Earth is for something far greater than we can imagine. I could hear a soft voice of spirit, though it didn't always align with what was being shared by the people around me. I told myself I was crazy/weird/introverted, I began to doubt this mysterious, kind "voice."
I started to act out these stories that were told to me. I longed to fit in. My self-worth was based off pleasing others. I became hyper attuned to others' people's problems, their lives, because their voice was louder than the inner one I was learning to suppress. This whole time I was forgetting who I was. Self-abandonment.
My "supposed-to-be" identity didn't sustain me, I didn't have the energy to move forward anymore. After an incident that landed me in the hospital, I vowed to stop ignoring my pain, and face her. It was at this exact time, my Doctor recommended I try yoga. Slowly slowly, I started to recognize myself again.
"Real feelings are scary, if I push them away maybe I'll get rid of them," I thought.
Through my nomadic early twenties, I was hard on my body. Drinking heavily, smoking, pushing her physically or not moving at all. I didn't fully respect her. I wasn't enjoying my life this way. It was fun, but it didn't feel like ENERGIZED LIVING.
I picked up some habits out of desperation: sharing conversation with my body, journaling, learning how to cook. I felt best when I did what my spirit craved, rather than what I thought I was supposed to. It is safe, she said, to shut my eyes and withdraw momentarily to be with my body. The more quiet I became, the more I was forced to be with all the tough ish that naturally came up when I finally showed my body the attention she had been requesting. Over time (not over-night like I tried to force and felt bad about when I didn't "get" there...), I've surrounded myself with nature, harmony, positive community, and a clearer, direct line to my inner voice and greater universal spirit.
I picked up some habits out of desperation: sharing conversation with my body, journaling, learning how to cook. I felt best when I did what my spirit craved, rather than what I thought I was supposed to. It is safe, she said, to shut my eyes and withdraw momentarily to be with my body. The more quiet I became, the more I was forced to be with all the tough ish that naturally came up when I finally showed my body the attention she had been requesting. Over time (not over-night like I tried to force and felt bad about when I didn't "get" there...), I've surrounded myself with nature, harmony, positive community, and a clearer, direct line to my inner voice and greater universal spirit.
The pains still arise. Through the pain, I drop in, "listening" for the underlying message. The ugly-at-times emotions and feelings come up because of my enthusiasm to grow, love, and connect. A greater purpose. I practice choosing to be guided by my values. I practice letting go, I practice tenderness with myself, tuning into breath and granting space when tough emotion creeps up. Sometimes it's effortless, other times it's a challenge that takes over my life. But it's always worth it 'cause I get to be more like the ME I was born to be.
If it weren't for those who have helped hold me and guide me through this process, I would not feel the level of trust within myself that keeps me moving forward. And just as I have been supported, I am now asking how may I support you on your journey? Share with me, if you feel called!
in heart and mind,
Katie Ring
Kundalini Yoga Teacher,
Natural Chef,
Transformational Nutrition Coach
