Now I need space.

I’ve extended too much of myself 
And now I need space.
I need space

From all the people who need something from me.
Who take and take because I have so much to give.
I'm happy to give.
I'm happy.
They tell me I'm supposed to be happy.

You’re not giving me space.
Why am I not asking for more space?
When in my life did taking alone time mean giving up connection?
perhaps I can’t HELP IT but give a something to you.
Because I enjoy it. It brings me satisfaction. 
Genuinely.
AND
Sometimes I don’t know how to not overdo the unlimited forms of gift-giving. 
Sometimes in the moment, it feels right.
Or I rush past the sense of obligation. Familiar maternal patterns. 
The conditioned transaction that repeats, “give yourself, receive love back.”

Sometimes I don’t know how to say:
“I need space.”
“I’m unavailable.”
​“I don’t have the capacity to talk right now.”
“I’m feeling triggered.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I’m choosing my needs right now.”
“I don’t want to hurt you with my words or actions but I’m afraid I will.”

I fear how I will be perceived.
Selfish, bitchy, cruel, unloveable…
Though intimately, afraid of not being loved. 

I want to chose me and trust in that, generous choice.
Trust that choosing me, will enliven me.
Simultaneously breathing life into all my exchanges.