When I was a child, I wanted to play and create with two of my dearest friends. They responded with, "We're too old to do that." It was in this moment I stopped acting so silly, abandoning parts of myself to gain someone else's acceptance.
I hold a flame... the feeling that our individual and collective purpose on Earth is for something far greater than we can imagine. I hear a soft voice of spirit. When I doubted her message, I called myself crazy, I began to doubt this mysterious, kind "voice."
I started to act out these stories that I thought belonged to me. I longed to fit in. My self-worth was based off pleasing others. I became hyper attuned to others' people's problems, their lives, because their voice was louder than the inner one I was learning to suppress. I was abandoning myself.
My "supposed-to-be" identity didn't sustain me, I didn't have the energy to move forward anymore. My lifestyle was fun, but it didn't feel like energized living. After a drug overdose that landed me in a coma, I vowed to stop ignoring my pain, and face her. It was at this time, my doctor recommended I try yoga. Slowly slowly, I started to recognize myself again.
"body feelings are scary, if I push them away maybe I'll get rid of them," I thought.
I picked up habits by listening to my whispering Self: Sharing conversation with my body, moving her for fun not punishment, making sense of my thoughts through writing, learning how to make food taste the way I wanted to feel. I felt best when I did what my spirit craved, rather than what I thought I was supposed to. It is safe, she said, to shut my eyes and withdraw momentarily to be with my body.
The more quiet I became, the more I was forced to be with the darkness that naturally came up when I finally showed my body the attention she had been requesting.
Today, I actively attune a direct line to my inner voice and greater universal spirit. The pains inevitably arise. Still, I practice showing up. I practice self-forgiveness. I practice tenderness with myself. Sometimes it's an immense challenge that takes over my life. Other times it's effortless...though it's always worth it 'cause I get to be more like the ME I was born to be.
in heart and mind,
Natural Foods Chef and Consultant
Biodynamic Herbal Gardener and Plant Spirit Medicine Ally
Writer and Poet
Kundalini Yoga Teacher
I acknowledge I live and work on the unceded ancestral land of the Ohlones, Pomo and Costal Miwoks in present day Marin and Sonoma Counties, just north of San Francisco and the East Bay
Disclaimer: The information Katie Ring provides does not intend to replace medical advice from a qualified health care professional. Katie Ring encourages you to make your own empowered health care decisions.
Photography by Sabrina Moore and Rory Savatgy
Awaken with Katie 2023